I once knew a first grader who spent an hour at the park by himself everyday while he waited for his middle school brother. On rainy days he climbed inside a slide. This was a well dressed kid in a nice neighborhood whose elementary school offered after-care.
Kids are on my mind because we just found out that one we’ve fostered is moving to another state. It’s difficult to remove our hands of protection and provision, and trust that the family of origin will fill the gap.
This is the hardest part about practicing life with eyes wide open. The heart follows and as soon as the heart opens it becomes vulnerable. Since people are messy it’s easy for an open heart to get hurt. I guess you could call this the painful side of love – choosing to remain open even when it hurts.
As I’ve processed the pending move my internal dialogue with God has gone something like this:
Me – This hurts. I’m really sad.
Him – I know. I’m here.
Me – I always knew there was a good chance this kiddo would leave our lives but I didn’t think it would happen so soon.
Him – I didn’t ask you to cover this need ‘forever’ I just asked you to cover it for ‘right now.’
I’ve felt him tenderly reminding me that his heart remains open even when I stomp on it, throw my fists at it, betray it, and act like I could care less about it. Through it all his love endures. He’s not asking me to do anything he hasn’t already done. And he’s right there with me. My heart can gain the strength to remain open because it’s connected to his.
Anchoring into him doesn’t make the experience any less painful. It just draws forth an element of hope that makes me feel more peaceful. The hurt and sadness may continue to pop-up; that’s perfectly normal. But, with my anchor in place I will make it through each day.
– Laura
Having a heart that open easily and gives generously…yours is a gift to all those around you.